Monday, March 1, 2010
how should I handle this situation?
This past Saturday my father told me I can go out while he watched the baby. He also told me that he was just going to stay home with his girlfriend and watch a movie. He did not give me a certain curfew to come home and he said to call him if I stayed out a little later. At first he seemed like he was ok with anything that I did. So I went out with a friend and around 11 we decided to catch a late movie. So I called my dad and told him I would be home at 1. He started telling me I was taking advantage of him watching the baby. Now I understand what he ment but he didn't give me certain directions on how late I can stay out and he did not tell me he would be bothered of how late I stayed. So I told him that it was unfair on how he was acting and that I needed this time to be out so I can relieve some stress. I am home all day everyday just with the baby and it can get to me not having anything to do. So I ended up leaving the movie early so he wouldn't get mad at me and came home. In the morning I noticed that there was alcohol in the kitchen. I know that my father is responsible but I felt that it was disrespectful to drink while watching my infant. How would you handle that...Now he is my father and I am living under his roof, but I am not sure how to have an adult talk about how I feel about this. Any advice?
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That's a tough one, Nicole. Your father could always deny the drinking, and say it was the girlfriend was the one drinking, so that's not a good point to argue, I don't think. A couple of beers is not going to greatly impair someone's ability to care for a baby. But if he was drinking in excess, well then that's an issue.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't say that he needed you to be back at a certain time, so I don't get why he reacted like he did either. Unless he had to work the next day and you were aware of it. Then I could understand him being a little ticked off about it.
If it was me, I would just keep relatively quiet about it because #1 he's your dad. And #2, you're living in his house. You are probably more aware now of who you'll want to ask, or not ask, to watch your baby in the future. A very valuable quote I learned a long time ago is this: "You cannot control others, only how you choose to react to them." This is true in so many situations. This one included.
If you are determined to talk about it with him, try to relate it to when you were little. Would he approve of the drinking if it was someone he left you with?
Is there anything you can do to get enough money together to move into your own place? It may be worth working on. You may not be ready at this point, but that's what I would start to think about. Good luck!
I would talk to him parent to parent, adult to adult. Set the ground rules that each of you can be comfortable with. He may have expected you to be home early so didn't give a time to be home. And since he didn't give you a time, you felt you could be late. And "late" is what needs to be defined. Just talk and figure each other out. You know your dad better than anyone. You are a mom now and have responsibilities to your baby. Whenever you leave your baby with a caregiver, no matter who it is, you need to let them know where you are and when you will be home and how to get ahold of you in case of an emergency.
ReplyDeleteI think it is human nature to take advantage of a parent. Not saying that you did, but it is just easy. You all live in the same house.
Just talk, so you all will be fine. As far as the drinking, I don't know the alcohol situation, so that is something you can address at the same time. I would never drink alcohol while tending to my children or my grandchildren. It is just something I would never do. And I do enjoy a beer now and then.
Its hard being a mom 24/7 with a new baby, and he may not have been the primary caregiver when you were a baby so he may not understand your need to get away once in awhile.
Hi Nicole:
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say that I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know it is very difficult to be a single mother and have no time to yourself, I understand how you need time to yourself and that maybe a movie and some time with your friends is just what you need to keep yourself focused. I think that you and your father should sit down when you both are not upset and can speak with each other without getting upset and explain what you need and what he is willing to do to help you get some free time to yourself. I would write it out and you both agree to what is written down and sign it like an agreement so that way if he says later that he doesn't remember saying that he didn't give you a curfew or you don't remember saying that you would be home at a certain time, it is all there in writing and it be less stressful on you both.
Also, you can always when you are out just keep checking in from time to time to see if everything is alright and let him know that he can call you also, this way if something comes up you can dismiss yourself from your company and go home to your baby. If that doesn't work see if you can leave the baby with a friend or relative that you trust and know is responsible this way your father will not think you are taking advantage of him and there will be less tension in the house.
I wish you well and stay strong it will all work out for you.